不能对女朋友做的事♥

不能对女朋友做的事♥

有人可能会说，她是我女朋友，还有什么不能做的事？是的，也许你们相处的时间很长，感情非常好，从来就没有也不愿意把对方当作外人。对于你的要求，她会全部满足，但你并没有考虑过对方的感受。实际上，有些事是不能做的，即使亲密如你们，也需要一点必要的距离。

1.不要问她的过去，那是属于她的回忆，她有权利保存在心底，如果她愿意，她会毫无保留地告诉你；也不要告诉她太多你自己以前的情感经历，她在乎的是眼前的你，你过往的深情只会让她心里不舒服。

2.爱她，但不要试图去绑住她，她是你的恋人，是你的朋友，不是你的宠物。别把两个人的生活完全胶合在一起，空间是爱情长久的养分，过多的举动则会吓跑对方。

3.可以吃醋，这是在乎她的表现，但不要经常吃醋，更不要乱吃醋。谁都有异性朋友，男人切不可心胸狭窄。吃醋就像吃大餐，偶尔尝试一次可以，天天吃谁都有腻的时候。

4.争吵之后，可以摔门出去，但不要关机。生气是暂时的，气消之后她最需要的仍然是你，无论你在哪里，一定要让她找的到你。

5.不要当她的面去称赞别的女孩美貌，即使她真的不如别人漂亮。女人希望自己在所爱的人心中是最美的，别让她失望。

6.不要总是让她打电话给你，女人比男人更需要被重视的感觉。爱是相互的，别让她变成城堡里苦等王子的哀怨公主。

7.不要偷看她的隐私，因为这代表你对她的怀疑。不信任是爱情失败的重要原因，相信她也是相信自己的表现。

8.不要拿她和你以前的女朋友比，每个人都有自己的优点和缺点，不同的人没有可比性。过去的就让它永远过去，珍惜眼前的人才是最重要的事。

9.不要把自己的爱情托付给星座，占卜或者塔罗牌，幸福掌握在自己手中，占卜只是一种游戏，更适合小朋友玩耍。如果彼此珍惜，相信可以到达幸福的彼岸；如果不用心经营，再好的牌面都有可能会输。

10.如果她想见前男友，不要阻止她。女人下了决心的事，阻止是没有用的，为何不表现得大度一点。如果你挑选的是一个好女人，那她不会对不起你；如果她是一个坏女人，那也没有挽留的必要。

如果一个人真的懂爱，他会在做每一件事情之前考虑对方的感受，而不是把爱情自私地看成自己的事情。柔声细语，轻手轻脚不是温柔和体贴，真正的体贴来自内心。

Chinese to English translation

DON'T DO Girlfriend ♥
Some might say, she is my girlfriend, what can not do? Yes, perhaps you live a long time, feeling very good, never been unwilling to each other as foreigners. For your request, she will be fully satisfied, but you do not take into account each other's feelings. In fact, some things can not be done, even intimate, as you also need to point the necessary distance.
1. Do not ask her past, it belonged to her memories, she has the right to save in the bottom of my heart, if she wants, she will tell you without reservation; do not tell her too much before your own emotional experience, she cares is in front of you, your past will only make her heart deeply uncomfortable.

2. Love her, but do not try to tie her, she is your lover, your friend, not your pet. Do not the lives of two people completely glued together, love, long-term nutrient space, the move would scare off the other side too.

3. Can be jealous, which is care about her performance, but do not often jealous, not jealous mess. Who are the opposite sex, men must not be narrow-minded. Jealous like a fancy meal, and occasionally try a can, everyone has to eat every day when tired.

4. Bickering, you can stormed out, but do not shut down. Anger is temporary, gas consumption is still after her most is that you need, no matter where you are, be sure to let her find you.

5. Not when her beautiful face to compliment other girls, even if she is really pretty as others. Women want their loved ones in mind was the best, do not let her down.

6. Do not always let her call you, more women than men need to feel valued. Love is mutual, do not let her into the castle waiting for the prince's sad princess.

7. Do not peek at her privacy, because it represents your suspicions about her. Do not trust is an important reason for failure of love, I believe she is that their performance.

8. Do not take her more than your previous girlfriend, everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages, different people are not comparable.The past is never past, cherish the talent in front of the most important thing.

9. Do not entrust your love sign, divination or tarot, happiness in their own hands, fortune-telling is just a game, more appropriate for children to play.If you cherish each other, I believe you can reach for happiness; if no heart operations, no matter how good the Cards are likely to lose.

10. If she wants to see ex-boyfriend, do not stop her. Women made up his mind to do, to stop is useless, why not show a little too generous. If you pick a good woman, she will not let you down; if she is a bad woman, there is no need to retain.

If a person really understand love, he will do everything to consider each other's feelings before, and not selfish to love as their own thing. Speak softly, softly is not a gentle touch, the real from the heart of caring.

碰到这类女孩，请珍惜 TREASURE HER

她其实有点懒，喜欢赖床。

她其实不太乖，喜欢捣蛋。

她在陌生人面前会很安静，很冷漠，在熟人面前却很放肆。

很霸道，并喜欢没形象的哈哈大笑。

她也会偶尔的忧郁， 朋友问她怎么了， 她也只会说没事。

其实她只是感觉累了，她只是需要一个拥抱。

其实骨子里，渴望有一个避风港湾，让她去依靠。但她不会承认。

她必须确定那个人是否可以承受得了这一切的，承受她的撒娇、她的无理取闹，她的倔强，她的悲观，她所有的性格缺陷且永远不离不弃。

只有这样，她才放心，可以放心去继续做自己，不会害怕有一天将要面对失去。

如果没有，那么她只好继续寂寞和孤独。

她对爱情没有安全感，也不会给别人安全感。

她爱不起，更怕伤害。

她一定要对方先流露出对她有好感，她才散发她的热情。 她爱的永远是对她最好的那个，那个好她心里是有一个标准的，你的积分超...

Chinese to English translation

She is a somewhat lazy, like to sleep late.
In fact, she is not good, like the mischief.

She will be very quiet in front of strangers, very cold and verypresumptuous in the face of an acquaintance.

Very high-handed and did not like the image of laughter.

She also occasionally melancholy, a friend asked her how, she would saynothing.

In fact, she just felt tired, she just needs a hug.

In fact, deep down, longing for a haven Bay, to rely on her. But she will notadmit it.

She must determine whether that person had to bear all this, take hercoquetry, her vexatious, her stubbornness, her pessimism, all hercharacter flaws and will never fail.

Only in this way, she assured, you can rest assured to continue doing what you are not afraid of losing face will one day.

If not, then she can only continue to loneliness.

She does not love a sense of security, do not give others a sense of security.

She can not afford to love, even more afraid of injury.

She must be showing the other side have a crush on her, she distributedher enthusiasm. Her love is always the best one for her, that her heart is to have a good standard, your points over ...

男人看了会沉默，女人看完会感动哭… will you cry ??

男人看了会沉默，女人看完会感动哭…

两个人每天面对面上班。她有时候会看着他走神儿。他有张好看而略微颓废的脸，看得多了，他会注意到她，便总是冲着她笑。她低下头，脸突然就红了。很快，周围的同事也窥测出她的心事来，频繁开起他俩的玩笑。一来二去，他和她竟真成了恋人。

他们都到了结婚的年龄。那天一起吃饭的时候，她犹豫着，提到了婚事。当时他愣了一下，没有作答，半天才嗫嚅着说，只怕……只怕以后，你跟着我会吃苦。

[不怕的。]她小声说。

他不再说话，轻轻叹了口气，在她看来，他算是答应了。

回 到家，她把两人的事告诉父母，遭到强烈反对。父亲和他们是一个单位的，对他的印象不好，一直就反对他们交往。理由是，他是不上进的男人，懒散，没事业 心，还跟外面社会上一些不务正业的年轻人来往，女人跟了他以后，以后绝对没有好日子过。尤其现在，工厂效益每况愈下，有能力的人都自己出去单干，而他还在 流水线上混着，一个月只有几百块钱。这样的男人，没前途的。

不仅父母，当初开他们玩笑的同事中，和她关系走的近的，也反对她嫁他，理由和父母一样，说这样的男人喜欢可以，绝对不能当丈夫。

她却铁了心一般，不管谁劝，就是一句话：我就要跟他。

父母失望至极，母亲冲她嚷：你这是拿自己的幸福做赌注！

她抬起头，斩钉截铁，就算会输，我也认了。

所有人的阻止都无济于事，24岁，她嫁他为妻。租了套小房子，从家里搬了出去。这也似乎更证明了大家的猜测，他是她本命年的劫。

可事实却出乎所有人的意料，结婚后的他像换了个人似的，分外刻苦努力起来。他先是离开半死不活的厂子，断了外面那帮乱七八糟的朋友，去一家私企跑起业务。

开始时没底薪，他又是外行，不知道走了多少弯路，费了多少心思，总算艰难的在那家公司站住了脚。

那一年，她看着他变得又黑又瘦，大夏天顶着太阳走在快被晒 化的柏油马路上，汗都顾不上擦。晚上几乎没有在10点之前回来过，一回家，倒在床上，衣服不脱就睡着了。

一年后，他的工作走上正轨，业务提成渐渐多了起来，而她却下岗了。索性，他不让她再出去工作了，安心呆在家里，等着做母亲。

孩子出生的时候，他做了业务经理，手里有大把的客户，还在业余时间重新学了英语和日语。公司给他配了车，他们按揭买了新房，每个人都看见了他的大好前途。

这时的她，因为生孩子胖了许多，又总不出门，穿衣服随意起来，和他站在一起，竟有种不相配的感觉。此时，当初替他担忧过的人又开始有了新的担忧，担心长着一对桃花眼的男人，会在这个时候离她而去。这个年头这样的事，简直就是数不胜数。

但这次，大家又看错了他，在他人生和事业不断攀升的日子里，他爱她始终如一。那爱，不知比恋爱时扎实了多少倍，是贴心贴肺的呵护。从衣食住行的大事到心情 喜好的小事，他面面俱到，从来没有忽略过。从她坐月子起，每天晚上，都是他给她洗脚，这个习惯一直被他保留了下来。

他从来不隐瞒对她的感情，有时同时和朋友开玩笑说：什么都换了，现在该换老婆了吧。他摇头，认真的说：这辈子，就是她了。

她的幸福，让所有人无话可说。其实当初她也不确定会拥有这样的幸福，那时她只是爱这个男子，舍不得离开他。哪怕跟着他吃苦，像她说的，她认了。

那天晚上，他又给她洗脚，温暖在水中，他一如既往，把她的脚握在掌心。她忽然笑着问：怎么会对我这么好？这个问题其实已经在她心里存了很久，她甚至还想问：如何会在就婚后，变了一个人？只是觉得不妥，所以只问了这一句，半开玩笑的口吻。

他依旧蹲在她的面前，握着她的脚，抬起头来，看了她片刻，然后认真的说：因为当初，你拿了自己一生的幸福做赌注，要跟着我，你是这个世界上唯一这样信任我的人，我怎么舍得让你输。

她看见，向来爱说爱笑的他，说完这句话，眼圈红了。

作为男人，不能让一个能把自己终身幸福都押在你身上的女人输，因为你输不起，爱你的那个女人更输不起!!

Chinese to English translation

Men will be silent reading, a woman will be moved to tears after reading ...


Two people face every day to work. She watched him go sometimes children of God. He s got a good-looking and slightly decadent face, looking much more, he would notice her, it is always directed at her laugh.She bent her head, face suddenly red. Soon, around her colleagues look into the depths of the mind to, frequently opened They joke. One to two to go, he and she should really became lovers.

They all went to the marriage age. That day at lunch, she hesitated, mentioned marriage. He was stunned for a moment, there is no answer, only half a day and said softly, I'm afraid ... ... afraid of the future, I will suffer along with you.

[Not afraid. ] She whispered.

He no longer speak, sighed softly, in her view, he regarded as agreed.

Home, the two men told her parents, were strongly rejected. Father and they are a unit, a bad impression on him, has been to oppose their contacts. Reason is that the man he is not motivated, lazy, no ambition, even went to some proper job outside the community between young women with him later, after absolutely no better life. Especially now, the factory benefits from bad to worse, people have the ability to go it alone out on my own, but he also mixed with the pipeline, only a few hundred dollars a month. Such a man, not the future.

Not only parents, had opened their colleagues in the joke, and her close relationship to go, but also against her to marry him on the ground, like his parents, saying that a man like you can, definitely not when the husband.

She was bent in general, no matter who advised, in one sentence: I'm going with him.

Extremely disappointed with the parents, the mother shouted out at her: You're happy to take your bet!

She looked up, clear-cut, even if lose, I had admitted.

To stop all to no avail, 24 years old, she married his wife. Rent a set of small houses, moved out from home. This also seems to further prove our guess, he is her own path in the robbery.

But the fact is beyond everyone's expectations, after marriage, like a different man like him, is exceptionally hard work together. First, he left half-dead factory, broken mess of friends outside the gang, to a private company to run from the business.

Not the beginning of basic salary, he is an outsider, do not know how many detours to go, how much cost thinking, finally a difficult that the company stood at the foot.

That year, he became dark and she looked thin, large walk in the summer against the sun is fast drying of the asphalt road, wiping sweat are too busy to think. Almost no night to be back in 10 had a home down on the bed, clothes are not off to sleep.

A year later, his work on track, business commission, more and more together, and she was laid off. Simply, he would not let her go out to work, peace of mind to stay at home, waiting for the mother.

When a child is born, he made a business manager, the hands have a lot of customers, also spare time to learn the English and Japanese. Him with the car companies, they bought a new house mortgage, and everyone saw his bright future.

At this time for her because a lot of fat children, but also did not go outside, wear casual clothes up, and stand by him, feeling as much types do not match. At this point, had him worrying about the people began to have a new concern, with a pair of Taohua Yan fear of men, at this time away from her. Such a thing these days, is simply endless.

But this time, everyone has mistaken him, his life and career in the rising day, he loved her always. That love, than love I do not know how many times when the sound is intimate posted pulmonary care. A major event from the basic necessities of life to feel like the little things, he exhaustive, never been neglected. Starting from her confinement, every night, is he to her feet, his habit has been retained.

He never concealed her feelings, and sometimes both friends and jokingly said: What have changed, and now for the wife of the bar. He shook his head, careful to say: in this life, that is her.

She's happy, let everyone have nothing to say. In fact, she was not sure would have had such a happy, when she just love this man, could not bear to leave him. Even followed him to endure hardship, as she said, she confessed.

That night, he gave her feet warm in the water, he always put her foot hold in the palm. Suddenly she smiled and asked: how will I so good? This problem has already been stored in her mind for a long time, she even want to ask: How will on marriage, becomes a different person? Just feel wrong, so just ask this one, half-joking tone.

He was still crouched in front of her, holding her feet, looked up, looked at her a moment, then said seriously: because when you took the happiness of his life at stake, to follow me, you are in this world The only people that believed in me, how do I willing to let you lose.

She saw him always love say love to laugh, to finish the sentence, eyes were red.

As a man, can not let a lifetime of happiness can have their own charge the woman in you lose, because you lose, the woman you love more losers!!

由一个微笑开始 由一滴眼泪结束

我承认确实是有过份可是到最后我为了是你…我可以丢下全部都不理可是你呢？你能做到吗？好比说承诺，是你自己对我说的就这样结束

有一些东西错过了 就一辈子错过了 人是会变的 守住一个不变的承诺 却守不住一颗善变的心 有时候 执着是一种负担 放弃是一种解脱 人没有完美 幸福没有一百分 知道自己没有能力一次拥有那么多 也没有权要求那么多 否则 苦了自己 也为难了对方 一颗心属于一个人 爱情里什么是公平？ 爱的深 伤的深 爱情里没有不公平 爱上不该爱的人 是永无天日的叹息 爱了不爱你的人 是眼泪决堤的开始 承诺是一张白纸 再厚的剧本也有了结局 我想我...知 道 眼泪的味道 就算付出每一分 每一秒 我都不曾想逃 在这个世界上 没有恒久的幸福 只有 瞬间的惬意和安适 如果你把我的感情 当成一场游戏 我玩不起 更输不起 花言巧语 谁知道 我微笑背后的痛苦 爱 由一个微笑开始 一个吻成长 最终 由一滴眼泪结束 受了伤 结了疤 最终还是留下痕迹 强迫自己忘了你 但爱过才知道 原来我并不能左右一切 也许无言才是最好的安慰 也许回忆是最好的结局 傻瓜也都一样 都逃不过悲伤 因为有梦在心上 所以甘心流浪 有些缘分 注定要失去 有些缘分 注定不会有好结果 爱一个人 不一定要拥有他 但拥有一个人 一定要去好好爱他 不要轻言放弃 否则 对不起自己 不要因为没有阳光 而走不进春天 不要因为没有歌声 而放弃自己的追求 不要因为没有掌声 而丢掉自己的理想 其实 每一条通往阳光的大道 都充满坎坷 每一条通向理想的途径 都充满了艰辛与汗水 很多事情的发展 注定它有个结束 好好享受美丽的过程 擦身而过的时候 我们应该学会遗忘 放声的笑一回 大胆哭一场 抬头望一望 一片灿烂的阳光 相信 时间可以改变一切！ 不要轻易让自己掉眼泪 春有春的风情 冬有冬的雅致 人生 各有各的美丽 各有各的潇洒 你笑 全世界跟着你笑 你哭 全世界只有你一个人哭 当不能拥有时 唯一能做的 就是令自己不要忘记 自己选择的路 跪着也要走完！

由一个微笑开始
由一滴眼泪结束

別以為我只是個白痴, 什麼都不懂 其實我懂的比其它人還要多,,

別以為我很堅強 , 其實轉身後我卻哭得像小孩1樣無助,

別以為我的心讓人摸不透, 其實我只是害怕有人觸碰我心未痊癒的角落

別以為這只是普通的一場玩笑而已, 這足夠讓我傷痕累累..

這個說我很傻, 這個說我很天真, 這個說我很淒慘.

我不想要有這些能令我全身振抖的世俗眼光.. 我不需別人的同情

我的反省 我的檢討 令我吃又吃不下 睡又睡不穩,

我只不過想有1個人好好的疼惜我, 難道真的有這樣難嗎?

我只不過想你再多說1句你很愛我, 難道真的不是嗎,,

我只不過想你再關心多我1點... 難道不可以嗎?

我只不過想你為我做的決定解釋.. 難道不行嗎,

我只不過想你做好男朋友的本份, 難道我這做女友的有錯嗎..

別看我平時嬉哈大笑, 其實我真的很想找個人暸解我 讓我在他的面前不需要有任何偽裝

別看我傻傻的,, 其實我對愛情也很敏感,

我只是1直習慣為愛付出,

我只不過想我能被我心愛的你疼愛, 能把我心中的寂寞寄託出去而已,

我想變得冷漠, 但我做不到

我想在朋友前大哭. 但我不想真的讓他們擔心.

我只是想找1個人傾訴心中的苦, 但總有說不出口的難堪,

還是我應該說是 不是你不懂對待我, 只是我不懂得做人女友

不是我不懂你, 不是我不夠愛你

是你太令我失望, 太大情大聖 說的話令我太沒有安全感

我亦有自知之明. 我會退出這段沒結果的感情.

我說過, 我不再為不值得的人流淚... 但我的承諾真的給你毀了,

他說過他會愛我 一直到永久

他說了太多 分手要給我自由

既然無法承受 也別再多找藉口

我亦有自知之明。。。

GOOGLE TRANSLATED

I admit that there is indeed over, but in the end I have to I can leave you ... but you all ignored it? You can do it? Like that commitment, that you own the end I said so

There is something missing on the life of the people are bound to miss a constant commitment to hold but not restrain a fickle heart is a burden sometimes persistence is a free people do not give perfect happiness is not a hundred points know that they can not afford to have so much time has no right to ask so many otherwise his suffering but also difficult for each other one love, one heart belongs to what is fair? Love the deep deep love where there is injury unfair to people who fall in love should not love the light of day is never a sigh of love do not love you is the beginning of tears burst commitment is a thick white paper and then the script has also been I think I know the ending ... the taste of tears every minute even if the pay I do not want to escape in this world have no lasting happiness is only momentary pleasant and comfortable if you put my feelings as a game I play rhetoric can not afford to be more losers who knows the pain behind my smile Love begins with a smile a kiss from a growth ultimately injured by the tear end eventually end up with scars left their mark, but you force yourself to forget that I realized that I loved Maybe not all about the comfort may be silent is the best memory is the best outcome can not escape a fool is always the same sad because there are so willing to stray dream in mind that some fate is doomed fate is destined to lose some good results will not love a person does not have to have him but have to love a man must go to him not to give up or let myself not to because there is no sun and not go into the spring because there is no singing and not to give up their pursuit because there is no applause but lost his In fact, every ideal of a road leading to the sun is full of ups and downs of each one leading to the ideal way is full of hardships and sweat a lot of things it has a development destined to enjoy the beauty of the end of the process of passing when we should learn to forget burst into laughter cry for a return to bold bright sun rise a look that time can change everything!Do not let your tears spring and winter and spring style with an elegant winter each have their own life, each with its own chic your beautiful smile the whole world laughs with you cry you cry the whole world only one person you can not have the time when the only to do is not to forget the way of their choice have to finish the knees!

By the beginning of a smile
The end of the tear




Do not think I'm just an idiot, do not understand anything in fact I know we still need more than others,,

Do not think I'm strong, in fact, after I turned it cry like a child a kind of helplessness,

People do not think my heart is unpredictable, in fact, I'm just afraid of someone touching the corner of my heart has not healed

Do not think this is just a common joke, that's enough to make my scars ..

This said, I'm a fool, that said I was innocent, that said I was miserable.

I do not want to have these make me whole body vibration shake the secular vision .. I do not need the sympathy of others

I reflect on my review I could not eat eat and sleep and sleep instability,

I just want to have a personal good pamper me, Is it really so difficult?

I just want you to dwell on one you loved me, it really is not it,,

I just want you to care about more than 1 point ... I do not it?

I just want you to explain the decision for me .. do not you,

I just want your boyfriend to do their part, can my girlfriend do you wrong ..

Although I usually hip hop laugh, in fact I know I'm really looking for someone to let me in front of him without any disguise

Do not look at my silly, in fact I love is very sensitive

I'm just a straight habit for love,

I just want to be I love you I love, I feel so alone can sustenance out of it,

I want to be cold, but I can not

I want to cry at a friend before. But I do not really let them worry.

I'm just looking for a person to talk pain away, but there are unspeakable embarrassment,

Or I should say to me is you do not know, but I do not know how to behave girlfriend

I did not understand you, not I love you enough

I am disappointed that you are too, too much to say Love Story that I was too insecure

I also have self-knowledge. I will not withdraw from the results of this relationship.

I said, I do not deserve it not for the tears ... but I promise to give you really destroyed,

He said he would love me until the permanent

He said too much, give me break free

Since we can not afford too many excuses stop



I also have self-knowledge. . .

Happiness in this World

Reflections of a Buddhist Physician

by Alex Lickerman, M.D.

When The Love Of Your Life Doesn't Love You

Why love changes depending on the stage of the relationship in which it's felt

Published on October 24, 2010 by Alex Lickerman, M.D. in Happiness in this World

Photo: Lance Shields

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine told me about a particularly painful breakup he'd gone through recently. His girlfriend had decided she no longer wanted to be with him and had summarily cut him out of her life. Naturally, he yearned for an explanation and some closure, so he confronted her. She explained to him what she perceived as the problem, that he wasn't focused enough on her and their relationship, and that she wanted something it had become apparent to her he couldn't or wouldn't give. In response, he told her he could and would if she would only give him the chance. This was the first time he was hearing all this, he argued. It was unfair of her not to give him a chance to respond to her feedback. Her answer: no thanks.

Often, of course, the reasons we get (and give) for ending relationships are often less than truthful. Sometimes, the truth is avoided because it seems simply too harsh. At other times, it's because the real reason isn't grasped even by the person doing the ending, coming as it so often does from a place of dysfunction (e.g., insecurity, fear, etc.). Whatever the reason, by the time someone has decided to end a relationship, they're usually committed to that course, and nothing the other person does or says will change his or her mind. Even when the relationship proceeds from that point to end slowly, in a series of recurrent reconciliations and breakups, eventually the relationship does end for good, leaving the person who was left devastated. As was my friend.

Related Links

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• Love and game theory: Why breaking up is often harsh to do
• What to do when you're dumped

Most of us currently involved in long-term romantic relationshipsremember the obsessive nature of what we felt during our relationship's early stages, a love that caused all other concerns to recede (sometimes slightly, sometimes dramatically) into the background of our lives. We remember just how fun, pleasurable, intoxicating, and all the other good things the songs all say love is quite vividly. But most of us involved in stable romantic relationships now have also experienced romantic relationships in the past that failed and remember too how muchembarrassment, heartbreak, angst, and every other bad thing the other songs say love is, too. To have love yanked out from under us in the early stages of a relationship is dramatic and devastating, often leading to suffering far out of proportion to the actual event. For all sorts of reasons, when we lose a love that's freshly minted we often feel like our lives are falling apart and that we'll never be happy again.

But people who lose love when in a different stage of a relationship than the beginning—perhaps several years or even decades on—or in a different phase of life from their youth (when emotions generally run to extremes), tend to experience suffering over the loss of love in a slightly different way. When we lose love through divorce in middle age, for instance, there are often other things lost as well: children, homes, lifestyles, and dependable companionship. Though the loss of these things compounds our suffering, often the suffering we feel is less tinged with a sense of dramatic tragedy. Most people in this circumstance are better able to glimpse through their suffering the truth that life will go on, that they will be happy again someday, as studies on the set-point theory of happiness have now begun to demonstrate.

When we lose love at the end of life, however, most often due to the death of our spouse or life partner, recovery tends to be just as hard as when we lose love at the beginning of our lives as teens or young adults—but for different reasons. It's not that our emotions run as hot as they did when we were younger. It's that we know our own demise is coming sooner rather than later and our constitution and confidence are often not what they once were. Our scope of interest and involvement in the world has often narrowed so that without our life companion in it we often have little else in our lives to return to after we recover from our loss. And then, of course, we have the entire history of the relationship looming large in our minds like a movie playing over and over, which retrospectively seems like the fuel that was keeping us going all along. Without it, we often feel our forward momentum stall.

HOW TO GO ON

So how do we recover when we lose a great love? As with any loss, we must look upon it as a challenge and an opportunity. I say this without in any way attempting to downplay the intense suffering the loss of love brings. No matter what stage of a relationship or stage of life in which we find ourselves, dealing with the end of love is often overwhelming. But whether we're sixteen and feel as if life is about to end or sixty-nine and know it actually soon will, within that ordeal resides the opportunity not just to survive but to thrive—to alter the very way love functions in our lives by becoming stronger for having lost it.

We can love and be loved from a position of strength or weakness. Even the strong suffer when they lose love—but are proven strong when eventually they emerge from their cocoon of suffering and re-engage life with gusto. The strong know the true meaning of the Buddhist phrase "suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy" in a way the weak do not. They know that romantic love, especially the obsessive kind, is essentially grounded in selfishness. That they craved it because of how it made them feel, not because of how it made the person they love feel.

THE LOVE WE ALL WANT

In Buddhism, the term jihi is used to denote the mercy, or love, that a Buddha feels for all people. In contrast to romantic love, jihi represents the kind of love that requires nothing from the person toward whom it is felt, the joy that we experience from feeling it having nothing to do with any response we receive in return. If our children rebel and cease to speak to us, do we stop caring about what happens to them—in effect, stop loving them? No. This love we bear our children, then, represents the closest thing to jihi the unenlightened can feel, actually becomingjihiwhen it expands to include all beings. Romantic love may provide the spark that gives birth to it, but jihi romantic love is not.

Jihi is the kind of love toward which we should all strive to feel for others, whether we're romantically in love with them or not. If we feel jihi toward another with whom we're also romantically in love and they take their love from us, they cannot take our feeling of jihi for them unless we allow it. And if we don't allow it, though we'll still hurt—even a Buddha has an ego to contend with—we'll find ourselves far better positioned to recover and eventually flourish again.

Developing the capacity to feel jihi represents the greatest benefit we could gain from a broken heart. If we can use the suffering we feel at losing romantic love to break through the shell of our smaller selves (the selves that might even hate the person who once loved us for hurting us by taking their love away), we just may find ourselves in a place where we can genuinely wish for their happiness whether we're a part of it or not. And if we can accomplish that—well, then we'll have gained something of far greater value than the love of another person: the indescribably joy that comes from the ability to love everyone.

Marriage & Divorce

Bailee Stephens

Resolved Question

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Would you be upset if your husband said this?

so we had a baby 6 months ago, my husband doesnt really help much but he works so i can get over that
he goes to work comes home 1pm goes back to sleep wakes up about 3pm and goes nearly straight out to this coffee shop where all his freinds are there are no women or alcohol so im not really worried that hes cheating he doesnt come home till 9pm eats his dinner and goes to bed about 11
so today he says if i asked him to stay at home with me and his son it would be like a punishment
how would you take this he said it in a jokey way but i know its true
i was quite upset as he doesnt realise how bored i get staying at home all day looking after the house and baby
am i right to think hes selfish

• 3 weeks ago
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by BabeHart

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OMG...Celestine had this EXACT same problem 5 months ago (word for word)...see if any of the responses she got help you...question thief (plagarist)...

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Other Answers (8)

• by yellojam

  I do not think that your husband is cheating. Your husband was probably just joking about staying home would be like a punishment. I think most married couple needs their space sometimes both the man and the woman. I dont think your husband is selfish he probably just want to give you some space. But try to have a talk with him and you will feel better about the situation. Marriage is based on trust, respect, communication, being friends.

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• by DL

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  Please do yourself a huge favor and take this matter up with your husband privately first. If you were hurt, you don't need agreement from strangers to verify that.
  
  The reason I say this is to prevent you, your husband and child larger problems further down the road of life. If you sincerely speak with him about it and things get worse, then is when you may need to bring others into the relationship.

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• by young nd confused

  That's crazy! I say you put your foot down and let him know that he needs to stop that mess because its not ok. Ask him how he would feel about that if he were you. He can make the baby but have no part in taking care of it? If he won't change u need to put him on child support and pack your bags because you can do bad all by yourself.

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• by VøDevil

  I would reward him by taking away his wife and kid.
  He's obviously looking for any excuse to get away from his family,
  I think that's horrible. Take the kid and leave, he doesn't love either of you.

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• by Legandiv...

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  He is in no condition mentally for marriage or family by that statement and all his disregarding you and the child. Divorce.

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• by stanleys...

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  I don't know any wife... that would tolerate that behavior more than 2 days in a row.
  
  But hey... I don't dictate the rules of your marriage. You two... do.

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• by σριε вαвεεz«- clαss σf 2011 «- s...

  You should talk to him about it.

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• by Paul

  He does this every day? He sounds young, more like a boy than a man. He's not invested in the family or his relationship with you. He needs an escape. This isn't a good thing. You have a few options - you can be patient and hope he grows up over the next year or two, you could suggest counseling (probably won't work, sounds like he just doesn't care enough right now), you could divorce with all of the messy consequences. None of these are great - it all just depends on what is best for your child and what you can accept in your life.

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  Ten Things to Do for Happy Married Life

  
  

  Some couples just have to seem to have that extra something that makes their marriage great. But exactly what are those secrets of happily married couples; what they do that others don’t Read on for 10 activities that happy couples do.
  
  1. Go to bed together. Going to bed at the same time shows that you want to experience the closeness that can only be found in bed. I have found that some of our best conversations occur with my head on my husband’s shoulder lying in bed. My husband likes to stay up later than I do. But he also likes to cuddle with me in bed. So sometimes he will go to bed with me and then get back up after we’ve had our cuddle time.
  
  2. Have shared interests. Sharing your interests & ideas with life partner is
  one of the activities of happy Couples. Stay together find things that they both enjoy doing. Before we had children my husband and I enjoyed four-wheeling in my husband’s jeep
  
  3. Hold hands. Holding hands shows that you are still in love. That you cherish just touching your partner and need that connection whether you are walking through a store or just sitting on the couch. Holding hands and walking side by side shows that you feel it is important that you are together in the things that you do
  
  4. Focus on the positive. Remaining positive is one of the important secrets of happy married couples... Everyone has something that they dislike about their spouse whether it is that he bites his fingernails or she spends too much money on clothes. But couples that are happy focus more on the positive things about their spouse than the negative. They look not at the few things their spouse does wrong � but all of the things that they do right.
  
  5. Forgive. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive. But couples that are happily married forgive freely forgive each other. Not only do they forgive each other, but they also do not bring
  
  6. Say I love you. I love you, is a very important sentence for happy married couples they like to tell each other. When you say the words you are reminding your spouse and reaffirming for yourself of the love that you feel.
  
  7. Communicate. Communicate to stay connected with spouse. Communication is a secret to remain a happily married couple for years. Couples who can talk to each other stay together. Being able to communicate means that you can share the good things and discuss problems without getting angry. It also means that you probably talk to each other throughout the day. My husband and I communicate through email and phone calls during the day then always take time to talk to each other every evening.
  
  8. Compromise. Sometimes you will disagree and that’s when compromising comes into play. If both spouses learn to give then both will be happy.
  
  9. Share affection. Giving affection through hugs, kisses, and touching, is important. It creates a bond and keeps the romantic feelings alive.
  
  
  10. Show respect.. Each spouse needs to respect the other and their desires. Mutual respect means that consideration is taken for the others feelings.
  
  If you don’t already do all ten things try incorporating some of these ideas into your own marriage.